The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

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Proselytiser of Jah
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The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#1 Post by Proselytiser of Jah » 2 weeks ago

So, I thought I'd tell the lengthy story about the development of my awakening, for anyone interested, and perhaps it will serve as a comfort for those out there reading this website, who feel or have felt the same, and are going through confusion or fear.

For all of my life I was raised a JW. Believing it was the objective Christian truth, and all other opinions or Christian faiths were 100% wrong and corrupted by Satan.

As time passed by and I became an adult, I slowly became more of a critical thinker, seeking objective truth and wanting to leave no stone unturned. As such I studied some Bible topics, some I agreed with the JW interpretation of, some not so (such as minor things like the rules on beards, fashion, but also doubts on major things, such as 1914 and Jesus’ presence). I peaked at “apostate videos” and articles now and again which reeled me in, but I would quickly shut them off in heavy emotional denial and disgust, “filthy demonic apostates” I’d think to myself.

Though the Org had issues, this did not change my outlook of the Organisation, for I thought I’d simply “wait on Jehovah to correct matters”, as we’ve always been told.

I suppose the very beginnings of my cascade of doubts would be when the first JW Broadcasting episode was released. Whilst my family was enamoured by Stephen Lett, as if he was an Apostle of Christ and prophet of God, I was trying to suppress my laughter (due to his amusing way of speaking and physical expressions), combined with me trying to keep silent to myself in my overbearing instincts telling me that I was watching some kind of propaganda video hosted by a con man. Something about him just didn’t sit right, as if we were being told “what to think”, programmed, as opposed to being “taught”. He spoke as if we as the audience were mallable children with special needs, with regular doses of “listen, obey and be blessed”, and strange music videos with forced smiles and a presentation of cheesy uncanny valley utopia which looked like it could have been directed by Orson Welles. The entire vibe of the man and the Broadcast was just off… But I seemingly was the only one in the room to notice (to my knowledge anyway, everyone else seemed fixated).

Of course, I ignored this for a while, let’s say cognitive dissonance.I reasoned that I was being arrogant and judgemental, and reminded myself that the Bible says “Jehovah uses the insignificant things”, and that Moses himself was “not a good speaker”, and perhaps Jehovah was testing our humility. So I let it go….

But I would still get vibes that “something wasn’t right” with the Organisation, besides the teachings I disagreed with, something instinctive, more and more with the broadcasts especially, mainly with Stephen Lett and Tony Morris, which to this day I feel give off the strongest vibes of all the Governing Body, whereas the most innocent appeared to me to be Herd, Losch, Sanderson, Jackson, Splaine and Cook (in that order left to right).

It got stranger and stranger, the GB kept wearing loud signet rings on their fingers and gold watches as if they were Italian mob bosses.. And not to mention the crazy video about the “overlapping generations”, in which I quote Sanderson (not verbatim but was something like) “but what if THIS explanation is also wrong? What if this is a mistaken interpretation too? What if it fails like all the other times? IT WON’T, we are the faithful and discreet slave” (I had to hold my breath from snorting in front of my family in utter disbelief at this reasoning)... it was all just “bad vibes” all around. Was I being judgemental? Or was my conscience trying to tell me something?

Of course these days after the various Broadcasts, convention talks and the Royal Commission, the most innocent of these men I could attest today would only be Herd, Losch and Sanderson (of which to this date I do not feel have nearly as much dirt on them as the other GB members, though this is not today that they are 100% innocent).

Stephen remains to be as culty and eccentric as always, Tony appears to be continually judgemental in combination with an ever present nervousness or air of guilt, David Splaine appears to be a theological propagandist by means of smooth words, Jackson would appear to be a liar (with his claims of “not knowing how the Organisation and disfellowshipping works” when speaking under oath to the Royal commission) and Cook appears to be merely.. Well to put it in a polite manner, “without presence”, or to be just going through the motions without believing in what he says at all.

My real awakening really took off when suddenly one day, I had the intrusive thought and sudden anxiety attack over the thought of being trapped as a prisoner, due to the fact of being a JW, in that if a person does not agree with the doctrine, or if they change their mind about the doctrine, they cannot leave or make an open statement, unless they wish to be shunned by everyone they have known, including friends and even family.

It was a very sudden realisation, or moment of shock that, I didn’t have 100% freedom of speech, and the situation could be liked to a form of soft hostage scenario in that you can still live your life like any other normal person for the most part (minus the willful parking of sins, which is fair enough, for this is Biblical), but you were not allowed to walk away from your membership in the Organisation, or voice aloud any difference of opinion when it came to a subjective interpretation of the Bible. You are told you should not read anything that is not JW material on the Bible, and to never read any claims made by JW opposers, because they are all lies and by reading them you will be “corrupted” by them.

Though I ignored this for a little while longer, when I was amongst a group of friends, we were discussing a fictional setting we all enjoyed, and a cult which was part of the story. One of the members of the group said “imagine being so brainwashed you approve of your brainwashing”, I laughed at first but then paused. I thought to myself “my goodness… that’s ME”, I myself had reasoned that “even if the Organisation is a cult, it’s Jehovah’s will, the GB brainwashes us for our own good so we don’t sin and attain everlasting life”. It made me feel very uneasy, but I still did not take action. But it was amazing in that no reference to the Organisation was made, but only by describing the characteristics of a cult and its members did it shake me to the core, as the descriptors ‘were’ the Organisation.

Often as a JW, you hear of “apostate claims” and fear inducing statements of "cult control”... but you shake it off as a JW as “just lies”. It was not the first time I had been made aware that the Org fitted in with some of the characteristics of a cult as described by cult experts (as opposed to the words of apostates who seek to attack the Org directly)… but at first I thought in typical brainwashed fashion “ah well, these experts have wrote these books to describe what a cult looks like because Satan controls the world, and so he’s made sure to have experts write books which so happen to describe God’s organisation, so they can be mislabelled as a cult”. But now I began to realise, that in itself was cult-thinking, a form of brain control to stop people from asking honest questions, which even the Bible says we should do.

I never did agree with the outlook that we were not allowed to ask questions or do research, even as a fully indoctrinated Witness, for my angle was “the truth can stand up for itself against lies, whereas lies fear truth”. For, how can we determine what is a lie, and what is truth without first examining those claims? The Org could have been lying by saying “it’s the truth” as much as any other religion or group.

Though I often realise my anxious thoughts which I often get (as part of my neurological conditions) tend to be lies, exaggerations or fallacies on the basis of anxiety and OCD style thought, these intrusive thoughts I had about being trapped in the Organisation by means of blackmail (shunning), for a change made me seriously ponder some things, it was less of an illogical anxiety thought spike, and more of a “shock of realisation” which triggered my anxiety disorder in response.

It was for this reason I began to journal my thoughts to help put things into perspective, and to explore my fears, not run from them. To ensure I looked at things clearly, to see just what is mere anxiety or exaggeration of thought, and what (if anything in regard to my sudden discomfort over the Organisation) was actually true. To confront truth and fear is after all the best medicine for both the mind and one’s spirituality.

Many over the years have their disapproval of the JW practice of shunning, I personally had had no issues with the doctrine of disfellowshipping itself, for I know for a fact that it’s a biblical command to disfellowship someone once they have sinned without repentence (though the harshness of how to apply the sentence of disfellowshipping was up for interpretational debate), a sin of which being fornication, adultery, murder, theft and apostasy (promoting false doctrines and being a wolf in sheeps clothing, looking to undermine people's faith or leading them astray to false religion, and away from Christ).

It was not the fear of being shunned for unrepentant sin that ran in my mind (that I would accept and understand), but rather it was the thought of: what if one day the Organisation declared a doctrine that I saw was clearly unscriptural or unchristian, something that made me choose between Jehovah and the Organisation? Or… what if it was merely an interpretation of something I did not agree with?

In either of these cases, the end result is that I would be disfellowshipped, not for sin or for being against Jesus or Jehovah, but merely “disagreeing” with the Governing Body.

Leaving a denomination, belief system or religion in general is easy, but it is not too easy to leave one's family behind, of which disfellowshipping causes a division between. Though the doctrine of shunning can be debated, I had not viewed it as a fault or "corruption" of the Organisation, for it ‘is’ a Christian decree found in the New Testament, what it is biblical that ties, or associations be cut with the excommunicated. But I realised that when the doctrine becomes abused to dominate followers into following a mere "opinion" over the meaning of a scripture of which may be up for debate, then it becomes not only problematic, but scary.

One can be disfellowshipped if they do not agree with 100% of the doctrines and interpretations of the GB. The basis of such is that if one does not subscribe to all the currently approved doctrine, one may be labelled as an "apostate taking up opposition" or a "promoter of a sect" (listed in the scriptures as one of the offences that one can be DF’d for).

Merely openly saying something along the lines of “I don’t agree with the GB over the meaning of this scripture or prophecy” would very quickly get someone in trouble with the Elders, and if not repenting of it, one is either soon marked or disfellowshipped.

As such, one may lose all their close loved ones, not as a result of 'sin', but merely as a result of what I’d consider; merely an "intellectual disagreement", and so I came to think to myself: “what is one imperfect man’s opinion over another’s? Why can’t I as a brother ‘disfellowship the Governing Body’ from the Organisation by proving ‘them’ wrong?”

The GB holds its stance of disfellowshipping those who openly disagree with their doctrines upon the basis that disagreement with the leading body, is to disagree with Christ and in turn Jehovah who is seen to be directly guiding and leading the Body.

It is their belief and teaching that they are "the Faithful and Discreet Slave" and therefore the only "approved body" that Jehovah operates through and reveals his truth of doctrine, (even though they admit they are not "inspired"and in the past have had to make corrections to doctrine, of which ironically at one time a person may have disagreed with, and may have even been disciplined for such, or even disfellowshipped, only to later find out they were correct all along and that their shunning was unjustified).

I came to realise the issue of the Organisation and the GB, is that their "intellectual opinions" of doctrine, or interpretations of doctrine are seen as law, and to disagree with them in the moment in time of which they are "official" or "in force" is seen to be taking the stand of apostasy (which the Bible defines as being against Christ). I saw that this may highly strain some individual Christians who may hold a personal opinion over the meaning of a certain scripture, and are split in that they do want to risk offending Jehovah by his or her acceptance of the current held “official denominational doctrine” of the GB, but at the same time don’t want to be shunned.

It is seen as the "sin of apostasy" and the "promoting of sects" to disagree with the GB’s current doctrinal stances and to openly tell people otherwise of why you think so.

This is not unique however to Jehovah’s Witnesses, for this is something that has purveyed throughout the history of all of Christendom in various forms, in a following in the pattern of the 1st Century Christians, of whom “excommunicated” members for disagreeing with the Apostles (the Governing Body of the 1st Century).

So I realised that it was not the fact that disfellowshipping or “not associating” (however you define it) with such ones over disagreement with the Christian leadership or teachings was unbiblical in itself, but the problematic issue being, unlike the 1st Century Apostles who were spoken to by God directly and could 100% have certainty in the absolute correctness of all the opinions and teachings they held and taught, we as later generation Christians are 'not' inspired in such a way, but hold to that 1st Century tradition, of which ONLY applied to ‘them’ “due to their infallibility”. But when it is applied to fallible teachers and interpreters, it then becomes very messy.

Realising this I felt perhaps it would be better to apply such a judgement of “sectarianism” or “apostasy” to the “100% guaranteed” doctrines and laws of the New Testament, the list of sins and offences, the written commands set out in stone, the salvation based doctrines, and not those of which are mere "interpretations" of things such as hard to unravel prophecies, dates, questionable word definitions, uncertain translations and so on.

But the GB does not apply it this way, one has to subscribe to the opinions of the GB at any moment, whether they change or remain the same, “your mind” has to become “their mind”, “your opinion” has to become “their opinion”, if not, you’re out, and you will lose everyone dear to you, and you will be labelled an unrepentant sinner, or servant of Satan.

This was the thought that gave me an uneasy feeling of being "trapped" or enslaved to the Organisation. Was I held in place to serve a denomination? Did I really have to abide and subscribe to all of its major opinions, regardless of my own thoughts (of which do not breach the definitions of gross sin)? What if one day they started to teach blatantly unchristian or even antichrist teachings? Paganism? Would people recognise it and act? Or would everyone (including my friends, and family) continue to follow and hang their every word? Were we all in a hostage situation?

Of course, with all this, I questioned (and still do) if the GB was actually aware of what they are doing, if they do it knowingly, or if they really feel they are doing the right thing.

I thought, what if what some see as"cult control" or corruption of the Congregation, may be something that has merely become deeply ingrained over a long period of doctrinal systems and Organisation, where the Governing Body feels that they must play "better safe than sorry" in order to try and make sure the congregations are all of "one mind" as the scriptures teach us to be, and to apply the scriptures in full force in the way it is described, to avoid the splitting into various sects.

So, there are two sides to all of this, and it all became very hard to judge.

The real issue however was “did the GB actually have the ‘scriptural authority’ to act like this, even if for “a greater good”? Well that came down to “what the FDS was”.

On the topic of being “God’s chosen channel”, I of course had back and forth thoughts over the true definition of the meaning of the "Faithful and Discreet Slave" for a time before my path to true awakening. I had questions over whether it referred to a certain group of people, a class guiding Jehovah’s people on Earth through the ages and up to today, or something else entirely.

My studies brought me partly into agreement with the GB of the Organisation on what the “definition of the FDS” was. It seems (and to this day still does to me) strikingly obvious to me the FDS is the term used to refer to those leading the entire Congregation of Christians (in Jesus’ day, the Apostles), that it is a title of those who take the lead in spearheading God’s word, and making sure to teach and take care of the rest of the Christian Congregation…

Buti it it is important to note that the Bible teaches that this “Slave” is not infallible, but it can be faithful, evil, or unintentionally wrong.

Thus I realised that being in the position of the FDS does not guarantee being guided, or inspired by Christ or Jehovah, nor does it give ones such authority to declare anyone who disagrees with them to be disfellowshipped, being shunned for disagreeing with the fallible interpretation of the Congregation’s leadership is found nowhere in scripture… Nor does it say that there is only “one true slave” in “one location” at any one time. I realised that “every” leader of every church denomination and congregation was one of these “Slaves”, but whether each one of them are faithful, or misleading, will be up to Christ to judge when he returns, not one of them are yet “declared faithful”.

Thus, I began to realise it was somewhat presumptuous to claim that ‘oneself’ is God's spirit directed spokesperson without Himself or Christ directly saying such… I thought to myself “I were to lead a church, never dare do, no matter what position I held, how successful my Congregation had become, how many truths I taught, or how many people I preached to, declare myself as God’s voice”.

It felt to me to be bordering far too close to the lines of Catholicism's doctrine of "Pope infallibility" or "Chosen mouthpiece". Something true Christians over the years (such as the Bible students themselves who founded the Organisation) left those churches for in the first place.

Such false leaders historically at one time tortured and executed people for open differences in opinion or challenge to doctrine, which, to my distaste I felt was somewhat comparable those who are DF’d today amongst JWs, for only having a different opinion over matters of translation and interpretation, as opposed to being unrepentant sinners or genuine opposers of Christ.

I further questioned to myself: “If the GB itself admits they are subject to fallibility and are not inspired, why are those who disagree with certain opinions publicly, recognising their self admitted fallibility, become disfellowshipped over such? Why are innocent Christians with a different opinion labelled as “antichrists”?”.

But regardless of that realisation, it had not impeded my devotion to obeying the the GB at first, as I reasoned the Bible instructs us to "follow those taking a lead amongst us" as we "observe their conduct and imitate their faith" no matter what label of interpretation of labels they may apply to themselves,

I reasoned that I merely followed a group which I deemed to be doing their best to be “True Christians”. I myself am no leader, for I don’t see myself good enough to be one “taking the lead” (as scriptural qualifications clearly lay out).

Though admitting to mistakes in the past (unlike the Popes of the Catholics), I saw that (and would agree) that the GB have done the most world wide in preaching God's word, spreading the message of the Last Days, the Good News of the Kingdom, and have strived the utmost of all denominations to try and do what is right, to try and purify Christianity of pagan doctrines. A far cry from other denominations who are not known for overtly preaching the coming of God’s Kingdom, nor do they enforce any form of discipline on their every day church Congregation members for living in sin.

So for a time I still reasoned that despite its culty control which was not backed up by scripture, that Jehovah may have still made use of the Organisation even with its flaws at times, to help expose the false teachings of Christendom. A philosophy some other ex-jws have subscribed to (such as R.J. Furuli).

Afterall, not one form of Christianity is perfect, for that would require Jehovah's direct input, as well as perfect people. As of my years as a JW, I had been witness to the many benefits of the guidance of the GB and of their “timely spiritual food”.

But my concern was being that maybe "one day" something may happen where I have no choice but to take a stand and disagree with a certain teaching, which fed my fear that if I actually was in a hostage situation as it were, unwittingly, as opposed to being held securely in place to the congregation by "faith alone" (as I feel it obviously should be), and not "cohesion".

Certainly, it is a Christian Biblical doctrine to remove those "causing divisions, promoting sects and teaching false things". So one could say the same over the 1st Century Christians in regards to the fear of "cohesion", but the difference being aforementioned, between the infallible and the fallible, the spirit inspired and non-spirit inspired. The GB admits fully they are fallible, but holds to the rule of declaring those who disagree with certain interpretations of scripture as apostates, "as if" their word was infalible. One may call it a belief of "infallible until proven fallible".

It is of course a very delicate situation, not only for members of the congregations, but for those taking the lead also, the Governing Body, as they obviously must feel much pressure to "do things right", to guide God's Sheep and keep them unified in whatever way they can. For the judgment upon them is even heavier on those who take the lead than it is upon the rest of us according to the scriptures.

In this stead they had my most sincere prayers. I genuinely felt (before I began to realise the purposeful lies they spun, such as in the Royal commission) that they believed they were doing what is right, as opposed to many of Christendom's leaders who have no qualms of being the Harlot of Revelation, practicing paganism and interfaith. The GB seemed to work hard to ensure they are continually researching the scriptures and not remain stuck in outdated doctrines, as do other churches as part of the "traditions of men".

I prayed that Jehovah mould us, that He shape and iron out the creases in those who genuinely wish to serve him in a fully acceptable manner, that he would help fix the Organisation on its flaws. As the saying goes “wait on Jehovah”.

But then I realised how wrong this outlook was… I began to have internal debates over that outlook, for one may say that about Catholicism, or Protestantism, or any of the other churches... where does one draw the line that it is the time to break off to further evolve into a purer form of Christianity, and when does it become apostasy, or a "sect"? How do we define such a thing? Are not all churches sects of former churches?

In handling such a case, I questioned: “does one remain where they are and keep their opinions private? Or do they leave and make their own way in peace? And bite the bullet that they risk rejection of all of their closest friends and family who choose to remain behind? In order to "get out of her" as Revelation commands?”. A difficult and complexly layered scenario for sure for many Christians.

I supposed that only prayer to Jehovah himself would enable one to endure and perhaps fix such a situation.

But on the other hand was perfection required? Perhaps, the core sign of authenticity of being in the true Congregation that God approves is the one that retains its abstinence of false religious practices and worldly ties, and for all of its flaws, strives its best to be what Jehovah expects it to be, and thus being in such an Organisation would not be classed as being a part of the Harlot, until it actually begins to teach "pagan" doctrines, involves itself in worldly affairs, or begins to accept immorality.

Surely then in such a case, remaining within and keeping one's opinions over "minor" (in the grand scheme of things) doctrinal interpretations would not be an offense to Jehovah, and one may approach the situation in a "balanced" way by preaching to others that "this is the current understanding of the Bible" whilst then sharing one's own alternative ideas, whilst yet not promoting them as to be the "official" stance you hold or wish to promote to the congregation or to our Bible students on the ministry.

Was this what it meant? To retain a clean conscience before God and before Men (in this case of the congregation taking the lead).

Of course even in that stead of “observing conduct” and “honest intent” of the Organisation, I realised there have been many accusations against the GB by exJWs, and of course reading “apostate material” was to be playing with fire at times, for much of it is indeed lies, consisting of exaggeration or conspiracy theories made to slander the GB purely out of disdain, hatred or pain, and much is aimed as destroying a person’s faith in Christ altogether, not just the Organisation...

However, many claims had also been proven to be most certainly true, and thus I realised that one must draw a very firm margin between those with genuinely good intents, who just want to point out flaws and “improve” (or expose) the Organisation, and of those who wish to merely tear faith itself down in service of jaded atheism or Satanism, and of whom will go to any lengths to do such, even spreading falsehood.

The exJW community proved to be a minefield for a faithful Christian.

Many things are truths, others half truths, other claims are mere lack of understanding, and other complaints were merely from personal experiences with “specific congregations” that may have acted wrongly, and these ones merely brushed a broad stroke across the canvas which is the Organisation as a whole, based on their subjective and perhaps “isolated” experiences.

More often than not in the exJW community, I found it to be a mix of all of these things coming together, blurring lines, and so it is certainly a dangerous game. Slander, even for a good cause, is a form of sin, and only serves to make a person look like a fool when it is exposed as falsehood (as many JW apologists over the years, including formally myself, have done). And spreading half truth only serves to blind JWs to the “actual truths”, the Boy Who Cried Wolf is a suitable story in this regard.

Many sources of criticism of the Organisation also came from places which promoted paganism, false religion, Babylonian Christianity, atheism or are by people with just general viciousness or worldly conduct who want to live sinful lives, so many of these sources were “tainted” (which reminded me of Pastor Russell's words on opposers all sharing the trait of “demonic rabies” as opposed to just being good intended honest Christians) , and I was sure to bare in mind the parable of the Table of Demons and the Table of God, as well as the Fruitage of the Spirit and the Works of the Flesh...

Accusations of Satanism, New World Order, Russell Mason conspiracies and so on, I paid no heed, for such things have been debunked many times.

The accusation of hiding child abuse was a very questionable one, one I actually defended the Organisation on for some time. I reasoned that “the GB is not to be held accountable for the actions of “individuals” who choose to either hide or commit terribles acts upon others in individual congregations, for it is not Organisational policy to allow or support pedophilla”. The Organisation does have written documentation to instruct congregations that who commit crimes, be sent to the authorities (even without the “Two Witness rule”, of which applies only to Congregational positions, it does not prevent someone like a sex offender being reported to the authorities) afterall.

But then with the media reports, the independent commissions, investigations, the disfellowshipping of victims, and the denial of the GB in that “they don’t know how this all works”.. I saw that lie for what it was, and that indeed, there was instruction from the top down, to hide reports of pedophiles in the congregations all over the world, even pay outs from the Organisation, settled outside of court to ‘prevent’ the list of abusers being sent to the police… for what purpose? It was sickening, dangerous for children, and made no sense…

I realised amongst the mess of the exJW community, there were sources who were honest hearted, who criticise the GB and Organisation… and I too ironically became one of them in private with my thoughts, and I certainly do not consider myself apostate, antichrist or Godless, but rather I saw myself as a loyal true Christian. In that stead, I realised how important it was to not throw out the baby with the bathwater. To really examine individual claims and determine their truth, to see if there is evidence.

Some in more recent times have accused the GB of using the funds, the donations from fellow brothers and sisters toward the preaching of the Good News to fill their own pockets, like that of Judas, or of Ananias and Sapphira. And of course if that was true, it would be a terrible thing, and for the longest time it did not escape my notice that they did indeed seem to wear expensive rings and watches (or at least appear to be, if they are not imitations)...

Of course, one could reason such may be gifts from other members of the Organisation, for they receive many letters and gifts in general from many members, and as such without confirmation of “where” these things came from or how they were paid for, we can’t go about recklessly accusing the GB of “stealing from contributions”. The same may apply to the rumours (though no sources yet confirm) of them wasting money or using funds for expensive business class flights, alcohol and such similar things. Without knowing the full story, it is tricky grounds to walk upon.

Of course, regardless of this I would still critique that perhaps the GB could be more discreet in their appearance and maintain a sense of humility, as opposed to stumbling others into thinking they are living a life of luxury and of flaunting material riches. It was something I prayed about often. But I also prayed and begged, and still pray and beg, that if any of the above claims were in fact true,for Jehovah to correct it and to protect his people from “wolves in sheep’s clothing” of the highest levels, to wake us ALL up, every single member of the Organisation to the real truth.

If everyone was to wake up, then the overwhelming majority, even those closest to the GB, would be able to declare the guilty GB members themselves to be disfellowshipped and removed from their positions and fix the Organisation if found guilty of such accusations, Jehovah God willing.

But of course, I still had my wavering doubts over all this… Were these claims true? Were the GB wolves? This is where we must try to also rely on Jehovah to give us answers and clarity I declared to myself: would he act in revealing the truth to us about any GB corruption through apostates who wish to completely destroy people’s faith “in general”? Who promote abandoning Christianity altogether, or those who teach pagan doctrines? Would Jehovah lead people into the arms of those who would not build up but tear down? …

Who is to say? Afterall, Jehovah has made use of his enemies in times past, such as Babylon and Egypt in disciplining his people. Yet at the same time we have to be wary of all and claims, to fact check everything.

Likewise, some claims came from exJW Christians, but equally, we should be wary of ones. Whilst some are genuine, others really are just secterians, ones who think Jehovah is” directly inspiring them”, just like the GB, do, such as the likes of the self-deluded Robert King, also known as “E-Watchman”, who portrays himself as a modern prophet and voice of God who has come to “warn us” about the GB and to correct them in the manner of Elijah, Daniel or Ezekiel…

These are exact type of people Jesus warned us against who would show their faces in our times too, anyone who claims divine inspiration or guidance is to be looked at with great caution, both within the Organisation, and those outside of it, they are all just as bad as each other.

We are to judge by the fruits and warnings Christ and his Apostles gave us, not from the words of anti-Christians, false religious teachers or self acclaimed prophets.

The Bible, God’s word, will always be my guide. And it is through scripture I truly realised the truth. I challenged myself, to read the Bible without any Watchtower aid, to clear my mind of assumption and doctrine, but to let the Bible speak to me… if the truth was the truth, then I had nothing to fear, the Bible would support the Organisation. I read, and read, non-stop for several months, reading a entire book a day, until I read the Bible back to back… and then I studied, I read translations, manuscripts… and I saw, for a certainty, the Organisation was so very wrong on many accounts.

Any Christian can get Bible interpretations wrong, and can even get the interpretations of prophecies wrong, this is not a sin, for all men today are uninspired and are doing their best to understand the Bible. However,this is not what is wrong with the Org, but it’s the claim of its authority…

Furthermore, if these teachings are known to be false by the GB of the Organisation but are clung to in order to retain its acclaimed authority of being God’s authority on Earth of which salvation is granted via submission, then truly, the Organisation is a harlot.

But if the GB themselves are victims to the false doctrines that have been propagated over the years. Such would be key in determining if the leadership of the Org is guilty of disloyalty to Jehovah and has become Babyalonian, or if they are simply mistaken and feel they are genuinely doing the right thing (including the false religious beliefs), then this would possibly absolve them of their mistakes.

But whether they are innocent or not, a further question needed to be answered: Does Jehovah require absolute obedience to Congregational leadership even if they are teaching falsehoods (knowingly or unknowingly)? Or are Christians required to detach from those false teachings (especially those of Babylonian origin) and the teachers who promote them out of conscience once convinced of their falsehood on the basis of “getting out of her”?

I realised that there appeared to be no scripture which advocates “go along with it/your leaders even if it’s/they are wrong”, but many scriptures which are saying to keep away from false teachings, teachers, and those who make the commands of men into doctrines, and to not eat at the table of demons and of God at the same time.

Thus, one cannot say that a mere Organisation of self appointed men as God’s chosen leaders must be adhered to for salvation, for we have only one leader, Christ, and it’s loyalty to him and his Father and their laws we adhere to, not a denomination or Organisation or its laws. Especially so if its laws become unscriptural, or Babyonianish.

Many reason, as I once reasoned, that “so what if we get things wrong or promote false doctrines, we’re the only Organisation that preaches, this proves we are God’s chosen”

This was true we did the most preaching… but of course, very flawed logic….

Though the Organisation does many good things (such as exposing Christendom’s false doctrines, spiritual training, regular worship, and a focus on preaching the good news of Christ world wide more so than any other group), it does not justify support of its false teachings and practices based upon the scripture of the “table of demons and the table of God”.

There is a clear scriptural difference between submission to shepherdly leadership, “putting up with one another” and maintaining congregational unity when it comes to subjective biblical interpretation, as opposed to that of enforced autocratic uniformity and submission to Babylonian teachings. If such were the case, one could argue all Christians should be Catholic and put up with her teachings being they of all churches could lay claim to the right of lineage of leadership to the 1st century Apostles.

No, the Bible does not teach such things. If the Catholic church began to preach more than the Witnesses, would they then reason all JWs must convert to the church? Of course not, and thus this same reasoning must be applied to the Organisation…

I realised then, everything had to be checked, everything. Objectively, no matter if it was for or against the Organisation. 1914 was wrong, 1919 was wrong, the entire basis of their authority was wrong. How many other things? How many other man made doctrines?

When I sought to further my investigations, when I wavered back and forth, and spoke to some very well known JW apologists online who run a website, who often had very strong reasoning and logically based answers backed up with scripture… We had a long exchange over email, after of course I convinced him I was not just some trouble making apostate (as his first response to my honest questions was accusation of being a liar, when I certainly was not, I just wanted answers fairly, for both for and against the Organisation and he was the man to see).

When finally coming to the end of it all (and I still have the PDF documents to prove it, but I will retain the man’s privacy) he said:

“you have good pints, and I agree several doctrines are not sustainable, even 1914… but even if we are Babylon and the Great Apostasy hasn’t ended like you say, then all I can say is….then I’m a proud Babylonian, because if we are Babylon, but are teaching the truth, then Babylon is the truth! What better place to be? Just like when David was ruled over by the apostate King Saul, we likewise cannot disobey our apostate rulers, for Jehovah has put them in place of the true Organisation, even if it is Babylon”...

I dropped my jaw at this logical fallacy that I saw in his email reply… I couldn’t believe what I was reading, he was contradicting Revelation’s commands “to get out of her”, this to me was a massive nail in the coffin, if this was the conclusion of one of the internet’s best JW apologists I had ever witnessed… then truly, the Organisation has no claim to authority. The Christian congregation is NOT the nation of Israel, Jesus, our king, has told us to not serve any man who teaches wrongness. The governing body were certainly not Moses, nor were they king Saul, they were just "self appointed" men. And to call "Babylon the place of truth", it was sheer madness.

The Fruits of the Spirit.. that there was one of the other killing blows…

To be forced into writing my concerns privately or as an anonymous person, so that nobody else could see, or know who I am, in itself said to me that something was very wrong.

The Bible tells us, we will know God’s people by the Fruitage of the Spirit. For me to genuinely afraid of my identity being discovered, to be “terrified” of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses, yes to be “afraid” of your Christian leaders though committing “no sin”, and to wonder what may happen to me, or to my family, if my opinions here are discovered…can that be said to be:


...on their part? Or was it; “egotistical, stirring up competition, thinking he is something when he is nothing”, to declare one’s subjective non-inspired opinions worthy enough to judge others with a different opinion of being shunned, and inspiring fear into such ones who have a difference of thought, though they commit no Biblical sin?

So, yes, some people who promote sects as the Bible says, are to be rejected and seen as apostates, but this same measuring stick had to be applied to ourselves, to the Organisation, and GB. For they too, if they were not careful, may be guilty of being a form of Christian “sect” themselves, by declaring they are God’s unquestionable mouthpiece. I realised that it was a sense irony, it was a sect labelling others as sects for the same sectarian things it itself does or has done in history (for how does a Christian denomination start in the first place? Does it not break off from a former body? In a manner, is that not sectarian?)

In this, I myself have to be humble, and watchful that my concerns and opinions do not become unquestionable dogma, led by my own sense of arrogance or feeling of intellectual superiority, and so I continually pray for humble objectiveness and truth free of bias. Not for my own glory or ego, but for Christ, and for Jehovah God.

As shown in Christian history, sometimes, speaking out for truth (which may cause a divide in some) is at times necessary, as we obey God rather than men.

I realised the truth of the Organisation, that a “sect” in Biblical context can be several things, it can be a form of religion which denies the Christ, that is antichrist (as mentioned by John),but also form of Congregation where its leaders declare themselves to be “special”, and somehow above all the others in their congregation, or are above questioning (as mentioned by Paul).

What the GB declares to be sectarian; is not what the Bible teaches is sectarian, but it is to be against “their opinions”.. And that is in itself, I began to realise, IS a form of Sectarianism.

To be united and of “one mind in Christ”, is not to have everyone’s subjective opinions forced into one Borg-like (Star Trek reference) entity, but rather is to realise we are all in Christ, and that nobody’s subjective opinion is above another’s, that to be unified can mean to agree to disagree, and be united by faith in Christ Jesus being the Son of God, and his ransom sacrifice, to all follow his command to live morally clean, and preach about the coming of his Kingdom.

In the past I have prayed several times for clear evidence in very specific ways from Jehovah, to tell me if I am in the right place and should remain as I am, and I did receive answers. At that time Jehovah seemed to inform me that I was to remain in the Organisation…. I can only reason that perhaps Jehovah was protecting me from being too rash and walking off into a worse false religion, though where I am is far from perfect.

But I prayed again since these times, now that I have awoken to these truths about the Organisation, whilst also being aware that no church has truth, but that we answer to Christ and not men… and thus I have felt that I have received answers that I am on the right path. Sometimes Jehovah may choose not to move us from a situation, for it may be better to be in it than to jump out of the frying pan into the fire (as many rash exJWs sadly have, by means of joining another Harlotous church, into the state of atheism or antichristism, such as John Cedars who has developed his own cult following now…).

I will of course always pray to Jehovah Himself, that if anything I have said or have considered about the Organisation is wrong ,or if I have offended Him,and that they "really are" his chosen, that I will always I humble myself in repentance, and so I always pray that he guides me to correction, to where I should be, to what “real biblical truth is”. But I feel have come to realise the truth, and if so, then there is no going back now, not without significant change... Which would really require the Organisation to either collapse or change its identity altogether, and drop its whole "chosen by God" act.

I will always pray, that these flaws of the Organisation be corrected, that falsehood and hypocrisy be stamped out, we pray for both our loved ones and our enemies afterall, but if such a thing cannot be done, and that it should be as every other church, then I instead pray that Jehovah give the power to his faithful ones to “get out of her”.
"The fruitage of the Spirit is; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control..." Galatians 5:22-23

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#2 Post by Orchid61 » 2 weeks ago

Goodmorning and thank you for putting into words where the most of us has been through.

Warm regards,
Maria 🌷

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#3 Post by Phoebe » 2 weeks ago

This all speaks to me, I’m sure we’ve all felt and reasoned and prayed in exactly the same way...over time.
A very helpful piece P.O.J and it is always so heartening to hear another person speak their personal journey.
Reading this, there was many a point where I could stick my hand up and yell, Me too! Me too!

Gratitude to you, this kind of written testimony and experience takes much time, thought and careful speech.

Exactly what is needed on a forum like this 💐

For my part, I endeavour to keep my nose clean 👍 honour scriptural principles as being my guide and pester our Living God intermittently throughout my waking hours 😂 throwing it all upon Him....trusting Him and magnifying His absolute victory of Love with my little silent shout-outs of praise and thanks-giving. I’m somewhat treading water ( and have been for a longtime) in terms of wondering where I should be as in engaging with other Christians as a body, a congregation.
I have decided to have some patience and not over tax my mental health by over worrying....I trust that my Creator understands my confusion and the reasons why I can’t commit to any given “church” including JW.Org....

Treasure your faith 💐💐
And a big thanks. A really worthwhile post.

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#4 Post by investigate » 2 weeks ago

Thanks so much PoJ - very much appreciated reading your story and can relate as others have said. As Marina said, it is definitely not easy to put oneself out there. This forum is such a relief to find like-minded individuals.

If my wife were not such a believer I would have no trouble leaving yesterday, it is very difficult. I plan on partaking this upcoming memorial, even if this is wrong (which I am convinced it is not), I would rather be disciplined by Jehovah than risk his wrath. Imagining myself not partaking feels repulsive at this point, like it would be a rejection of what Jesus did for us.

At some point in the future I think there will be a very clear cut decision everyone has to make. If we think of Egypt and the Exodus, Moses + Korah, the curtain ripping in two, even the exodus of Christians in Jerusalem, there seem to always be decisive periods of time where someone must make a choice. At that time if it hasn't happened sooner I can only hope my wife joins me.

I've been debating how to respond to the inevitable question of why one is partaking. I was thinking of simply referring them to a WT article that says none of their business :D or providing a list of scriptures with no further commentary. Of course there are some other things I have stopped immediately, I cannot in good conscience use the new Enjoy Life Forever book (not that there's really much of an opportunity to anyway).

Keep up the excellent research - enjoy reading your and other's fruits of investigation.

Proselytiser of Jah
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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#5 Post by Proselytiser of Jah » 2 weeks ago

investigate wrote:
2 weeks ago
I plan on partaking this upcoming memorial, even if this is wrong (which I am convinced it is not), I would rather be disciplined by Jehovah than risk his wrath. Imagining myself not partaking feels repulsive at this point, like it would be a rejection of what Jesus did for us.

I will be doing the same and am of the same mindset :)

I wrote a letter to the GB this year explaining my stance on why all Christians must partake (elect and non-elect) and also asking them to reconsider their doctrine. I laid out a lengthy document where I referenced all revlevant WT materials on the matter, I made a position against myself (in support of WT), but then I went on to argue against it, explaining how I read the context of the passover passages, as well as the Greek translations (questioning them on why they have reworded "appoint" with "covenant", as 'that' is what makes them link the emblems to God's Heavenly kingdom for the elect).

I not long got my reply letter, in which they said they didn't have an answer for me, but to just listen to the FDS, as 'they' are the ones God has appointed to dispense doctrine (which is "always harmonious and accurate", yes word for word they said that).

I shared this letter with others, and many brothers find it highly unusual, as with all their letters they have always had scriptrual correction or explantion on why they are wrong (or are told they may be possibly right and things will be corrected), but I had neither of those things, the response to my long document was a tiny letter essentially saying "don't ask questions", in a nice way mind you, it wasn't threatening and they told me they appreciated my independant Bible study, but still...
"The fruitage of the Spirit is; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control..." Galatians 5:22-23

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#6 Post by Bobcat » 2 weeks ago

I had done the same thing on a different topic. In my letter I quoted their publications, which, their publications going back some 50 years only made assertions about the particular scripture I was inquiring about. Then in my letter I went on a sort of, 'look what happens if one views it this other way.' It was three pages long. In the end, all I was asking of them was to explain why they took such-and-such a position regarding this particular verse. Their publications never explained why. They only said that this is how it is.

The answer I got was that the publications identify the verse such-and-such a way. And they quoted from the publications - the same quotes as I had put in my letter.

Then they warned me about not getting too caught up in these minor things, but to give most of my attention to the more important things like preaching. So in effect, they patted me on the head and told me to be a good little boy and sent me on my way.

And here I am.

The effect of all this wasn't right away. I was mulling this over for the next few years. Within four years I was turning down assembly and convention talks. I saw all the worry over getting out the parts as time better spent on personal research. The CO(s) weren't impressed with that attitude so it wasn't long before they stopped offering me assembly and convention parts. In the late 2000s I partook (officially) for the first time. Personal research led me to doing that. I also gave the memorial talk that year. By the next memorial I was no longer an elder. (This post has links to my experience of that.)

(I turned down a TMS instruction part on an assembly, telling the CO to get someone else, because there were plenty who would gladly take such a part, but I didn't see that it was worth my time to spend two months worrying about a 10 minute part. Another time I turned down an assembly chairman part. My reasoning was that I could not agree to take the part until I knew what it was that they wanted me to say. I think that was the very last assembly part I was ever offered.)

On the other side of the coin, I would imagine that the brothers that have to answer these letters are in an unenviable position. They probably see all sorts of good reasoning, and yet they are most likely under strict orders to stick with whatever is currently published.

It would be interesting to know if the department that handled these letters had a large turnover or if they rotated brothers in and out so as to protect them from some of the reasoning that they would inevitably come up against.

The WT paints a picture of JWs 'roving about' in the pages of the Bible and finding the "true knowledge." (Dan 12:4 NWT) The reality is nothing like that. Only a few do their 'roving' in secret. And then everyone else is simply coerced into going along with it.


Get out of her
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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#7 Post by Get out of her » 1 week ago

I appreciated that you shared your story here with us Poj, and there is so much here that myself and likely many others can directly relate to as well as empathize with. In view of the sheer volume of issues you touched on here however I suppose I would limit my comments on your experiences and thoughts to simply the following at least for now:

First of all I would strongly recommend that you as well as ANYONE in your current situation IMMEDIATELY make a complete or clean break altogether not only from the apostate JW organization, but from ANY AND ALL organized religion which would include their literature. (Other than things like Bibles and their corresponding word dictionaries and interlinears obviously)

I can easily continue to demonstrate scripturally that this is a very pivotal part of obeying the divine command to "flee to the mountains" which is ALWAYS issued to the anointed "virgins" in the foretold time frames of a broken kingdom covenant, and which is in fact ALWAYS the setting we find ourselves in when anticipating another "coming of the kingdom." (Mt 24:15, 16) If we continue to disregard such commands we will only be hindering ourselves from the promised rewards for this obedience which include being granted a MUCH deeper understanding of the word of Jehovah that we are RESTRICTED to in these periods as if ALL we had to eat in this spiritual "wilderness" was manna or "bread from heaven." (Mt 13:11)

Other than that I would very lovingly and respectfully encourage you to begin thinking of the "seven times" prophesy in a VERY different manner than we were always taught by the Watchtower organization. I can continue to demonstrate scripturally that it is MUCH more about "seven times" in which the earth would basically be flip flopping between a setting of a ministry very much like the one demonstrated for us by John the Baptist and Jesus in the early part of the first century that is always associated with a BROKEN kingdom covenant and targeted strictly to Jesus' anointed "brothers," as opposed to the extremely powerful PUBLIC ministry that immediately follows after this covenant has once again been renewed and inaugurated with the more repentant and "discreet" ones among them. (Lu 22:28, 29) (He 9:16-18) (Mt 10:5, 6 25:40) Compare (Mt 28:18-20) These "appointed times of the nations" were of course foretold to correspond to the rise and fall of "seven kings" or world powers that would appear on the earth from the time of the Babylonian one basically all the way to the Millennial Reign. (Lu 21:24) (Re 17:9-11)

In at least some sense the ONLY variable here would be that there would be at least one or more occasions in which a span of time would elapse BETWEEN these two distinct settings in which NEITHER of these ministries would be occurring on the earth, or at least not any LEGITIMATE or divinely ORDAINED ones. (Da 8:13, 14) Since there is no question in my mind that you have indeed begun to "catch sight" of what in fact has long been an apostate condition of the JW organization, I am supremely confident that upon actually obeying the commands always associated with this spiritual awakening that prayerful meditation on things such as what I have just covered will begin having an impact on you in ways you never even imagined. (Mt 24:15, 16) (2 Cor 6:17)

Agape love;

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#8 Post by lynchpin » 3 days ago

Thank you Poj, for putting your lifetime experience with The WT here.

It cuts deep doesn't it...straight to the heart. The ones we once placed so high and looked up to so eagerly to feed us spiritually have finally hit the dust. We are aware what has taken place and to carefully avoid slipping backwards now.

Although we still carry the JW teachings app/file within us. We endeavour to minimise dwelling on that file. Plus - it's impossible to delete.

Most of my life has been taken up with Jehovah's witnesses from childhood. My grandmother held the meetings in her home in a small country town that was minus a Kingdom Hall. Her pile of Watchtower and Awake magazines delivered and kept in boxes for that little group to study. Many witnesses and pioneers boarded at her house which was a large mansion build of the mid 1800's. It was a good time of life back then particularly as the Governing Body had not yet been formed. My mind latched onto the teachings firmly.

Poj, when you mentioned the GB members and your thoughts about them ­- I viewed some photos of them recently examining a new design for their upcoming film business. I noted in particular their expensive suits, their shirts revealing paunches, their lily white smooth unlined hands. They are no different in this regard to other groups, churches and organisations ie well nourished, a roof over their head - a luxury one at that - and appearing in public speaking grandiose things to adoring flocks. Similar to the Pope dressed in the finest robes giving commands to millions of people when he makes his appearance from the Vatican.

Compare this picture to Jesus, the apostles, all hardworking men with strong lean bodies due to their physical labour, their hands probably gnarled. Carpentry, (or builder, stonemason in Jesus' trade) tent making, (leather works) fishermen, shepherds. Their simple clothing of a robe, sandals, a humble abode to live in. The dusty hot environment they faced each day tramping from village to village under the tutelage of Jesus. Additionally being at the synagogue when Jesus spoke there. The gathering together of the flock in private houses and the bonus was the growth of intimacy between people as they drew close to each other.
The Governing Body's life is focused on real estate plus the frequent selling of Kingdom Halls for insidious reasons. Firstly they are business men. Secondly, the sheep are a sideline to control and be adored by.

It's taken me a couple of decades now to begin again and, oh, how I recall those faltering first steps away from the organisation. I floundered several times over, going back, making returns.
I know now that when one is on the inside, one is unable to see out. Likewise, a current jw would probably smartly reply 'when one is outside, one is unable to see in'.
These days I'm comfortable with my own personal study and research having learned with freedom and closer to my creator in a way that I couldn't attain to as a witness robotically turning up at prescribed meetings. This is the way I'll remain.

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#9 Post by Strazh » 2 days ago

I don't have so many English words to write everything I want to say here. I just love you all and it's good to be here. :)

Brothers, have you managed to get your loved ones out of this theocratic monster?
I don't speak English, so sorry for the mistakes and style.

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Re: The Story of my Awakening to the truth about the Organisation of Jehovah's Witnesses

#10 Post by investigate » 2 days ago

Unfortuantely no, I shared most with my wife and she said to wait on Jehovah. If it were just me Id be gone already. I plan on partaking this memorial and hope that makes her think more about it. Will present it like, the downside of partaking when one shouldnt is to be disciplined by Jehovah, and he disciplines those he loves. The downside to not partaking is possibly losing eternal life. Theres some pretty pharisaical elders on our body so should move things along.

Any other tips greatly appreciated.

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